What I Mean When I Say You're Really Bad

I've spent the last few months (okay perhaps the last hour or so) thinking about what I'm doing (okay, so this occupies almost every waking though between thinking about food and thinking about sex). What am I doing? Well, I tend to write about music in all it's variant forms: I criticise music, whether entire records or single songs. I conduct and transcribe interviews and write features based around the answers musicians give to questions I ask. I research and write industry press releases on amp endorsees and on new microphone equipment. I listen to lots of albums and go to lots of gigs. I occasionally get paid to do this.
It's occured to me that more and more, I'm fighting for something. I'm fighting for the things that are important to me - the notion of music as communication and expression - to be heard over what is important to other people - the notion of music as a way of making money and, consequently, a living. Now, I certainly feel that artists (for that is indeed what musicians are) should be paid for their work. I think what they create is worth paying to listen to, to indulge in, to experience. I don't however, feel that it can ever be considered a career choice. I may well have written silly things about bands "making it", but I never truly believed in this notion. Rather I've bought into what people want to hear, to make them listen to more important things.
But I guess I shouldn't lie to them anymore. Look. If you want to make a career out of music, can I suggest you stop and do something else. It's ridiculous. This goes for anyone thinking they can become an A & R scout or a music journalist too. I will say as much to the O2 class I'll be taking on March 5th. Why? Because I don't believe you've thought it through. There's no money here.
I adore music. I think it's incredible. It's a form of communcation which predates language. I find it astonishing that "dead" languages are allowed to die out. The knowledge contained within the literature and in the heads of the speakers of these tongues are being lost as a result. So, if music was to be eternally streamlined into manufactured rubbish, or severed into commerical pieces, it'd be pretty depressing. Of course you could say that most people haven't got anything worth saying. I believe everyone has something to say, and it enriches the human experience for them to say it. THe fact that we have so many ways of expressing things is one of the main reason I adore writing: I can take humour, sarcasm, irony, foreign expressions, classic phrases, quotes, similies, analogies, and countless other linguistic tricks (rhyming!) and splurge them onto a page to communicate whatever I want. It's art in itself.
What am I trying to achieve? I guess, like anyone, I'm trying to work out who I am, why I'm here and try and have fun while I'm doing this. These questions aren't necessary to answer - in fact they're futile - but it's part of the human condition and therefore I'll willingly explore how I feel and my place in the world. Music plays a big part in this - it's not just sounds to me. It's an emotional cavern that reveals catacombs so deep, they may well inhabit the entire universe.
My way of exploring is listening, retaining, talking to the artists and working out my own way of presenting their music, art and ideas. I think our own interpretations of others' efforts are as important as making our own. Hell most art is derivative of others' ideas. What we find worth in makes us who we are.
I know this sounds like pretentiousness to a lot of people - but that's your perception and it's incorrect. Not once have I pretended to be anything but myself. Self-indulgent maybe, not pretentious. Look it up. It's such an overused word.
So why do I do what I do? You know what....I don't know. I just do it. It's exciting and sometimes it's boring. Sometimes it seems worthy and sometimes it doesn't. I know I can't make a living this way, but I do. I have so many other ambitions, yet it seems amazing to me that I've managed to write things I'm proud of and learnt so much along the way. Believe me, the industry may well be collapsing, but I'm finding it fascinating. I feel sorry for good people who are losing jobs. That's terrible, especially as it's these people who have done the tiny amounts of good in this business.
But then, look at Ian MacKaye. He survived. He became a major influence and stood up for what he believed in and still does. He's changed the world in his own tiny little way. So, why can't we think this way? Why can't we, instead of thinking "this is my career" think, "this is what I do". There's a difference between a job and who you are. If you can combine the two yet keep them separate, then kudos.
So, whether anyone notices or not, I tend to have a pretty strong message in my features - it may be an anti-industry thing, it might be an encouraging positive message to new bands....I always try to have a point beyond what the "story" is. The story is never the band talking to a journalist. The story is the one I'm telling and using the band as the centrepiece. Sometimes it comes across as sensationalism, which is a shame. A lot of the time it hits the mark.
My point is this: write music to express who you are. Don't write it for other people or to sell to other people. Other people won't buy it usually anyway, so you'll have to give it away free and if you're doing that you'd better make sure you want others to hear it. It's a privilege for someone to listen to you - they don't owe you a living. By the same token, neither do you owe them anything if they buy stuff (though it's nice when you're thanked). If I criticse you, either positively or negatively, it's because I'm interested enough in your efforts to do one or the other. This is a great thing. If I completely pan something, I will still try and eke out something worth learning from it. If you choose not to read or listen, then that's great! You're simply doing something you want to do and not expecting others to like it: the purest form of expression.
I want to fight for more important things. I do already, in my own little way. Music is a great place to start though, agreed?